Nothing equals the feeling of being newly in love. It is wonderfully consuming, filled with anticipation and excitement. After a few years of togetherness, though, the feelings dissipate. You've already heard his childhood stories and laughed together at her cute little mannerisms. My husband, a romantic European, kept the newly-wedded bliss much longer than most. Still, at about our 6th year, something faded. We found ourselves picking dinner spots on people-watching availability rather than on romantic atmosphere. I had an epiphany. We needed someone to watch because we had nothing to say to each other.
It's easy to get into a marriage rut but imperative that you don't. Read today's tips to expand your ideas and don't forget to share your ideas in the comments. I will choose from your submissions and add the best idea to my list.
1. Don't be equal, be fair
My co-worker, recently married, was worried that she was going to end up with all the chores. She refused to do his dishes, his laundry, or his shopping. Making two trips to the store and doing separate loads of laundry doesn't make sense. When I explained that fair isn't always split down the middle she relaxed. In our house, Franz runs all the errands and I do the inside chores like laundry.
2. Laugh
Research suggests that a partner who can make you laugh is a long-term keeper. It's more important than looks or income level as a predictor of long-term compatibility.
3. Date
We are almost empty nesters so this one is easy. When the girls were younger though, it seemed impossible. Trust me, a baby-sitter is worth her weight in gold. Make a monthly habit of dressing up and going out.
4. Compliment more, demand less
We women know what we want and ask for it. The problem is that we don't notice what we are getting. Instead, we notice what is NOT happening. So make it a point to compliment him often. You will teach yourself to notice what is working and...
5....encourage what you want to see
When you thank your spouse for doing something, you are more likely to see that behavior again. Complimenting and encouraging get results.
6. Learn his P.O.V.
Men and women look at the world differently. Our brains are wired differently. Understand more about your spouse so you can see things from his perspective. You'll give better gifts, have fewer arguments, and spend more quality time together.
7. Take time away
When you have some separate interests and hobbies, you'll have something to talk about when you are together. Make it a point to cultivate your talents. My husband and I have a joke that we need to make sure to have a "story" to share when we talk.
8. Surprise him
My girlfriends often complain that their husbands are not romantic. When was the last time you put together a surprise evening? Kids and in-laws don't work here. Do something he really enjoys like watching a live sporting event or going to see the action movie.
9. Keep up the hygiene
This one sounds obvious. Still a gentle reminder that you should take time and care with your appearance is needed. Remember that we think differently. Men need more visual appeal in their routine. Even if he looks like yesterday's training camp, make an effort to pep up your style. I am pretty casual most days but every Friday night, even if we are staying home, I put on make up (a rare thing) and fix my hair for the start of the weekend. It helps keep the weekend special.
10. Kiss
This one belongs right next to number 9 for obvious reasons. Did you know that kissing releases a brain chemical found in new lovers. It's easy to go from long wet kisses when you were dating to quick air kisses as you come home from a busy day. Make a point to kiss, the real kind, often. You can discover the results yourself.
Now it's your turn. What do you and your partner do to keep love fun, interesting, and far from routine? Post your ideas in the comments below.
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