Submitted by Kathryn.
1. Let your friend choose your clothes for one night out
Even if you don't love the look, it could inspire a slight shift in style.
2. Google a celebrity and try his/her look for a day.
I love love Taylor Swift's eyeliner. Take a look at what the a-listers are wearing for inspiration.
3. Go thrift store shopping for one unique piece
When my friend was in college she used to frequent the local thrift store and found many gems that added beautifully to her wardrobe. One or two diverse items can change the look and keep you thinking about new ways to wear classic clothes.
4. Wear one jazzy accessory
leopard print shoes, cowboy boots, or a chunky necklace are my favorites
5. K.I.S.S.
My favorite look is wearing classic clothes that fit perfectly. You want to wear the clothes, not vice versa
6. Try a new style braid.
Bad hair day? Even the frizziest hair gets tamed into a braid. Tip- Braid wet with some smoothing cream
7. Eat Well
When I have an "ugly" day, I always feel soooo much better when I'm fueling my body with nutritious food. Even if your outside is not at your best, making the inside feel better will make you feel better overall. & it'll show.
8. Exercise
Getting blood flowing makes your cheeks naturally pink and skin glow not to mention a tighter tush.
9. Do something you really enjoy
A smile makes everyone look great so spend your time doing things make you shine. Pouting and misery are not good accessories.
10. Hang around people who will make you feel pretty regardless of how you look.
Best friend criticizing your look? Friends tease you about the non-designer shoes? You need new friends. Choose a crowd that appreciates you for who you are not what you wear.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Your marriage: Instead of letting married life get dull
Nothing equals the feeling of being newly in love. It is wonderfully consuming, filled with anticipation and excitement. After a few years of togetherness, though, the feelings dissipate. You've already heard his childhood stories and laughed together at her cute little mannerisms. My husband, a romantic European, kept the newly-wedded bliss much longer than most. Still, at about our 6th year, something faded. We found ourselves picking dinner spots on people-watching availability rather than on romantic atmosphere. I had an epiphany. We needed someone to watch because we had nothing to say to each other.
It's easy to get into a marriage rut but imperative that you don't. Read today's tips to expand your ideas and don't forget to share your ideas in the comments. I will choose from your submissions and add the best idea to my list.
1. Don't be equal, be fair
My co-worker, recently married, was worried that she was going to end up with all the chores. She refused to do his dishes, his laundry, or his shopping. Making two trips to the store and doing separate loads of laundry doesn't make sense. When I explained that fair isn't always split down the middle she relaxed. In our house, Franz runs all the errands and I do the inside chores like laundry.
2. Laugh
Research suggests that a partner who can make you laugh is a long-term keeper. It's more important than looks or income level as a predictor of long-term compatibility.
3. Date
We are almost empty nesters so this one is easy. When the girls were younger though, it seemed impossible. Trust me, a baby-sitter is worth her weight in gold. Make a monthly habit of dressing up and going out.
4. Compliment more, demand less
We women know what we want and ask for it. The problem is that we don't notice what we are getting. Instead, we notice what is NOT happening. So make it a point to compliment him often. You will teach yourself to notice what is working and...
5....encourage what you want to see
When you thank your spouse for doing something, you are more likely to see that behavior again. Complimenting and encouraging get results.
6. Learn his P.O.V.
Men and women look at the world differently. Our brains are wired differently. Understand more about your spouse so you can see things from his perspective. You'll give better gifts, have fewer arguments, and spend more quality time together.
7. Take time away
When you have some separate interests and hobbies, you'll have something to talk about when you are together. Make it a point to cultivate your talents. My husband and I have a joke that we need to make sure to have a "story" to share when we talk.
8. Surprise him
My girlfriends often complain that their husbands are not romantic. When was the last time you put together a surprise evening? Kids and in-laws don't work here. Do something he really enjoys like watching a live sporting event or going to see the action movie.
9. Keep up the hygiene
This one sounds obvious. Still a gentle reminder that you should take time and care with your appearance is needed. Remember that we think differently. Men need more visual appeal in their routine. Even if he looks like yesterday's training camp, make an effort to pep up your style. I am pretty casual most days but every Friday night, even if we are staying home, I put on make up (a rare thing) and fix my hair for the start of the weekend. It helps keep the weekend special.
10. Kiss
This one belongs right next to number 9 for obvious reasons. Did you know that kissing releases a brain chemical found in new lovers. It's easy to go from long wet kisses when you were dating to quick air kisses as you come home from a busy day. Make a point to kiss, the real kind, often. You can discover the results yourself.
Now it's your turn. What do you and your partner do to keep love fun, interesting, and far from routine? Post your ideas in the comments below.
It's easy to get into a marriage rut but imperative that you don't. Read today's tips to expand your ideas and don't forget to share your ideas in the comments. I will choose from your submissions and add the best idea to my list.
1. Don't be equal, be fair
My co-worker, recently married, was worried that she was going to end up with all the chores. She refused to do his dishes, his laundry, or his shopping. Making two trips to the store and doing separate loads of laundry doesn't make sense. When I explained that fair isn't always split down the middle she relaxed. In our house, Franz runs all the errands and I do the inside chores like laundry.
2. Laugh
Research suggests that a partner who can make you laugh is a long-term keeper. It's more important than looks or income level as a predictor of long-term compatibility.
3. Date
We are almost empty nesters so this one is easy. When the girls were younger though, it seemed impossible. Trust me, a baby-sitter is worth her weight in gold. Make a monthly habit of dressing up and going out.
4. Compliment more, demand less
We women know what we want and ask for it. The problem is that we don't notice what we are getting. Instead, we notice what is NOT happening. So make it a point to compliment him often. You will teach yourself to notice what is working and...
5....encourage what you want to see
When you thank your spouse for doing something, you are more likely to see that behavior again. Complimenting and encouraging get results.
6. Learn his P.O.V.
Men and women look at the world differently. Our brains are wired differently. Understand more about your spouse so you can see things from his perspective. You'll give better gifts, have fewer arguments, and spend more quality time together.
7. Take time away
When you have some separate interests and hobbies, you'll have something to talk about when you are together. Make it a point to cultivate your talents. My husband and I have a joke that we need to make sure to have a "story" to share when we talk.
8. Surprise him
My girlfriends often complain that their husbands are not romantic. When was the last time you put together a surprise evening? Kids and in-laws don't work here. Do something he really enjoys like watching a live sporting event or going to see the action movie.
9. Keep up the hygiene
This one sounds obvious. Still a gentle reminder that you should take time and care with your appearance is needed. Remember that we think differently. Men need more visual appeal in their routine. Even if he looks like yesterday's training camp, make an effort to pep up your style. I am pretty casual most days but every Friday night, even if we are staying home, I put on make up (a rare thing) and fix my hair for the start of the weekend. It helps keep the weekend special.
10. Kiss
This one belongs right next to number 9 for obvious reasons. Did you know that kissing releases a brain chemical found in new lovers. It's easy to go from long wet kisses when you were dating to quick air kisses as you come home from a busy day. Make a point to kiss, the real kind, often. You can discover the results yourself.
Now it's your turn. What do you and your partner do to keep love fun, interesting, and far from routine? Post your ideas in the comments below.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Your retirement: Instead of having a boring retirement
submitted by Russ and Marilee, active retirees with PhD's
For probably the first time in your life YOU are the one to make the choices. Here are some tips to help you stay active and engaged during the relaxing years of life.
1. Plan your to-do's
When you retire make sure you and your partner plan how you're going to spend your time and resources in those special years. We had friends who never talked about what they were going to do and assumed the partner had the same thoughts. Needless to say they had very different plans and a stormy start!
2. Help the community
We strongly encourage volunteerism. Thare are many organizations who can benefit from your expertise AND you can usually choose your hours.
3.Choose fitness
It is important to incorporate exercise in your day and a combination of aerobic, strength training and flexibility training is best. It benefits all parts of your body and even 15 to 30 minutes can make a large difference. It even helps your brain repair itself and we need all of that we can get:) (G. Bortzokis MD at UCLA)
4. Pace yourself!
More than once we have been so enthusiastic at an opportunity that we have overcommitted ourselves physically and timewise. As much as we don't wish to focus on it, we are not 30 or even 50 anymore.
5. Do one thing different every day!
This is another way to keep your mind active. Put a different shoe on first, brush your teeth with a different hand or walk a different route. Small challenges to your routine keep those synapses fired up.
6. Keep learning!
Learn a new skill. Play a new musical instrument or learn another language. We have become Master Gardeners and Master Naturalist and are always looking for new opportunities to add to our knowledge.
7. Keep social
As we age, friends become even more valuable.
8. Stay positive
Negativity pulls you down and uses energy. Get rid of items that you don't like and spend time with people who lift your spirits - hopefully one of them is your partner.
9. Take a nap
As we age naps refresh you. This is another wonderful aspect of retirement. Brain Rules has an entire section dedicated to the importance of naps. Did you know NASA scientists see huge improvements in their astronauts ability to complete complex tasks after a refreshing nap? Sleeping as little as 26 minutes in the afternoon has a huge effect on your attention to detail.
10. Enjoy your environment
Find something to do outside every day. Taking out the trash doesn't count.
For probably the first time in your life YOU are the one to make the choices. Here are some tips to help you stay active and engaged during the relaxing years of life.
1. Plan your to-do's
When you retire make sure you and your partner plan how you're going to spend your time and resources in those special years. We had friends who never talked about what they were going to do and assumed the partner had the same thoughts. Needless to say they had very different plans and a stormy start!
2. Help the community
We strongly encourage volunteerism. Thare are many organizations who can benefit from your expertise AND you can usually choose your hours.
3.Choose fitness
It is important to incorporate exercise in your day and a combination of aerobic, strength training and flexibility training is best. It benefits all parts of your body and even 15 to 30 minutes can make a large difference. It even helps your brain repair itself and we need all of that we can get:) (G. Bortzokis MD at UCLA)
4. Pace yourself!
More than once we have been so enthusiastic at an opportunity that we have overcommitted ourselves physically and timewise. As much as we don't wish to focus on it, we are not 30 or even 50 anymore.
5. Do one thing different every day!
This is another way to keep your mind active. Put a different shoe on first, brush your teeth with a different hand or walk a different route. Small challenges to your routine keep those synapses fired up.
6. Keep learning!
Learn a new skill. Play a new musical instrument or learn another language. We have become Master Gardeners and Master Naturalist and are always looking for new opportunities to add to our knowledge.
7. Keep social
As we age, friends become even more valuable.
8. Stay positive
Negativity pulls you down and uses energy. Get rid of items that you don't like and spend time with people who lift your spirits - hopefully one of them is your partner.
9. Take a nap
As we age naps refresh you. This is another wonderful aspect of retirement. Brain Rules has an entire section dedicated to the importance of naps. Did you know NASA scientists see huge improvements in their astronauts ability to complete complex tasks after a refreshing nap? Sleeping as little as 26 minutes in the afternoon has a huge effect on your attention to detail.
10. Enjoy your environment
Find something to do outside every day. Taking out the trash doesn't count.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Your social life: Instead of Lamenting about Being the Only Single Girl on the Planet.
It’s summer and wedding fever seems to be spreading faster than the swine flu. Instead of bawling at home during another sappy movie spooning straight from the tub of Ben & Jerry’s, here are some suggestions about how to enjoy your single-girl status.
1. Girl’s Night
While the obvious suggestion, try taking a new twist on an old classic. Instead of splurging on the nightlife, try trading cooking lessons. My girlfriends and I take turns cooking our specialty and teaching the others how. More of a Chef Boy-ar-dee? Try sharing other unique hobbies and talents with each other. You’ll find a newfound closeness with the girls and learn something new in the process!
2. Do something you’ve always wanted to
It’s definitely more difficult to jump start a hobby on your own, but flying solo makes you seem like the brazen, confident woman in the room! I personally love going to a new part of the city to window shop by myself. It’s nice to absorb a different environment without the distraction of others. Whether you pick up that Classic novel you’ve been waiting to read or start scuba diving- you’ll be living for you.
3. Adopt A Pet
Whether a Beta or a Binturong, studies show that owning an animal brings us personal fulfillment. Humans are notoriously social creatures and benefit from companionship. Studies show that we feel happier when pets are in the picture, so add one to the family, no matter how small! (1986 alert! Pet rocks do not count)
4. Find your inner creativity
My personal favorite, take some time to inspire yourself to keep a journal, doodle, or even make a blog! In a busy scheduled world, it’s so difficult to think outside the regimented norm. I have trained my brain to switch into creativity mode by turning on some new music and playing with a pencil. Sometimes I end up with an epic drawing, other times I just doodle around the song lyrics.
5. Subscribe to Something
I have tried Cosmo, Psychology Today, and Mental Floss although my friends highly recommend the Beer of The Month Club. It’s amazing the tid-bits you can pick up from new subscriptions that turn you into a suave factoid machine at the next social gathering. I prefer Psychology Today so that my party facts are at least backed by scientific evidence. PsychologyToday.com
6. Be selfish
Everytime I’m around children (& sometimes men) I’m reminded what a challenge being a parent/girlfriend is. I feel so fortunate that I can come and go as I please without having to pack a diaper bag or my boyfriend’s toothbrush. Splurge on you and be thankful you’re not paying for two!
7. Plan a Trip
Speaking of paying for two- one airfare is much more reasonable than two. I’m a bit of a history buff and plan on visiting the Mayan ruins in Mexico soon. My girlfriends weren’t interested in joining, so I’m going to try this one on my own. Just planning the trip is giving me a sense of adventure!
8. Learn a Language
As an American, I’m probably lucky if I can recall high school Spanish. Now that I have time on Friday nights, I can learn something that will boost both my resume and dating pool.
9. Climb the Corporate Ladder
Focus on powering to the top! You are free to move anywhere without asking permission from your significant other! Take that big promotion in Paris!
10. Find YourselfDating magazines always profess that you have to be comfortable with who you are before you can share yourself with someone else. For once, I think they’re right. Think about what you want to be so you can find someone who complements that beautiful person you are!
Submitted by Kathryn.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Your finances: Instead of keeping up with the Jones'
Do you ever look at someone and compare your body type to theirs? Ever wish you could give a presentation like a colleague? Do you find yourself wishing you had the cool new car your neighbors drive? If any of these sound like you, here's a list of 10 things to do instead of trying to look, act, or own like others.
1. Focus on what you have
When a new gadget gets released by Apple, the one you have loses its luster. They do this on purpose. The electronics business is counting on the fact that you will want the latest and greatest technology. Instead of feeling a need to have the newest toy, be grateful for what you already own. research on gratitude
2. Do something free
When I told my older daughter about this topic her first idea was "Play Skip-Bo". She remembers many a weekend sitting on the deck out back having tournaments. We made it fun with normally forbidden junk food and music. We've had poker tournaments that the girls' friends wanted to join. I am still trying to learn chess. Because of diverse weekly schedules we are homebodies on the weekend. You can venture out for free fun at the park or community center.
3. Stop comparing
I read a book this year that changed how I think about comparisons. "What's Holding You Back?" by Sam Horn covers many topics. The most powerful for me was the chapter on comparing yourself to others. Now I try to compliment people who have more and better instead of feeling the need to compete. I went from resenting a strong co-worker to cherishing her wonderful abilities. free activities
4. Volunteer
There's nothing like seeing what others don't have to make you appreciate your situation. When my girls were in middle and high school they thought every parent bought expensive clothes for their children and were upset when I would not. Volunteering with The Salvation Army after school program in a local housing community gave them a broader perspective.
5. Know your budget
Do you know the debt of the average American family? I found statistics saying we have 10 to 30 thousand dollars in credit card bills and car payments. The cost of housing was not included. Wow! If you cannot afford it, don't buy it. My husband and I have work to do on this one. Any ideas for us? free budgeting software
6. Raise your self-esteem
Not as easy as it sounds. The greatest percentage of self-esteem is set in childhood. We adults have a more difficult time raising the bar. You can do this two ways according to Dorothy Corkille Briggs, the seminal expert on self-esteem. First spend time doing things you are naturally good at. Second, shore up weaknesses by practicing what you are not good at but need to master. I will have to devote more time to this in another list, it's important.
7. Work towards something
Want a cool vacation on the beach? Save for it and pay cash. Interested in going back to school? Make plans to save for tuition. Having something to work towards sets a great example for the kids and helps you do without on the short-term. There is a terrific book called "Switch" that talks about how to work toward important changes at home and in the business world. It's one of my favorite reads.
8. Unenroll
Kids today are doing too much. If your child is taking dance lessons, playing soccer, and taking music lessons, perhaps they are over-programmed. Limit activities to maximize family time and reduce stress. Some activities are good. The experts say three hours a week is optimal for kids under 12.
9. Fix instead of replace
It's almost always cheaper to repair a car instead of replacing it. Recently I spent $21 dollars to make three pairs of shoes look like new. I had to search for the shoe-repair shot but it was worth it. Not handy, find a reputable handyman and keep the card on file. reasearch by David Elkind author of "The Hurried Child"
10. Try a month without spending
Two years ago, I tried a whole year without buying anything I didn't need. I goofed three times. I was amazed at how many purchases could be avoided. I don't suggest a year, it might feel punative. Try one month only buying what you really need and let me know how it goes.
1. Focus on what you have
When a new gadget gets released by Apple, the one you have loses its luster. They do this on purpose. The electronics business is counting on the fact that you will want the latest and greatest technology. Instead of feeling a need to have the newest toy, be grateful for what you already own. research on gratitude
2. Do something free
When I told my older daughter about this topic her first idea was "Play Skip-Bo". She remembers many a weekend sitting on the deck out back having tournaments. We made it fun with normally forbidden junk food and music. We've had poker tournaments that the girls' friends wanted to join. I am still trying to learn chess. Because of diverse weekly schedules we are homebodies on the weekend. You can venture out for free fun at the park or community center.
3. Stop comparing
I read a book this year that changed how I think about comparisons. "What's Holding You Back?" by Sam Horn covers many topics. The most powerful for me was the chapter on comparing yourself to others. Now I try to compliment people who have more and better instead of feeling the need to compete. I went from resenting a strong co-worker to cherishing her wonderful abilities. free activities
4. Volunteer
There's nothing like seeing what others don't have to make you appreciate your situation. When my girls were in middle and high school they thought every parent bought expensive clothes for their children and were upset when I would not. Volunteering with The Salvation Army after school program in a local housing community gave them a broader perspective.
5. Know your budget
Do you know the debt of the average American family? I found statistics saying we have 10 to 30 thousand dollars in credit card bills and car payments. The cost of housing was not included. Wow! If you cannot afford it, don't buy it. My husband and I have work to do on this one. Any ideas for us? free budgeting software
6. Raise your self-esteem
Not as easy as it sounds. The greatest percentage of self-esteem is set in childhood. We adults have a more difficult time raising the bar. You can do this two ways according to Dorothy Corkille Briggs, the seminal expert on self-esteem. First spend time doing things you are naturally good at. Second, shore up weaknesses by practicing what you are not good at but need to master. I will have to devote more time to this in another list, it's important.
7. Work towards something
Want a cool vacation on the beach? Save for it and pay cash. Interested in going back to school? Make plans to save for tuition. Having something to work towards sets a great example for the kids and helps you do without on the short-term. There is a terrific book called "Switch" that talks about how to work toward important changes at home and in the business world. It's one of my favorite reads.
8. Unenroll
Kids today are doing too much. If your child is taking dance lessons, playing soccer, and taking music lessons, perhaps they are over-programmed. Limit activities to maximize family time and reduce stress. Some activities are good. The experts say three hours a week is optimal for kids under 12.
9. Fix instead of replace
It's almost always cheaper to repair a car instead of replacing it. Recently I spent $21 dollars to make three pairs of shoes look like new. I had to search for the shoe-repair shot but it was worth it. Not handy, find a reputable handyman and keep the card on file. reasearch by David Elkind author of "The Hurried Child"
10. Try a month without spending
Two years ago, I tried a whole year without buying anything I didn't need. I goofed three times. I was amazed at how many purchases could be avoided. I don't suggest a year, it might feel punative. Try one month only buying what you really need and let me know how it goes.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Your home: Instead of letting clutter pile up
My grandmother passed away several years ago and it took her children a year to sort out all the clutter. I still get calls asking if I want something from her lifetime treasures. I loved my grandmother, whom I called Buppy, more than anyone. It's tempting to keep the artifacts of her life. The objects that filled her home are associated with happy family memories. They have sentimental value.
I just don't have a place or use for them. Keeping an uncluttered home is difficult these days.I found one reference in a book by Daniel Pink that said there are more storage facilities in the U.S. than fast food restaurants. Instead of storing stuff to make room for more, let's looks for some experts' ideas to reduce clutter in your home.
1. Take care of it immediately
In his book, "Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity", David Allen suggests doing tasks that take under 2 minutes immediately. When mail comes in, sort through it and throw away junk before it hits the counter top. If you can pay the bill in under 2 minutes, do it. Instead of letting things stack up, tackle them immediately and get them out of the way.
2. Make rules
When my husband and I were dating he asked me to promise that I would not own more than 10 pairs of shoes. Coming from a country where people have many fewer possessions made him acutely aware of the contrast in America. Seven years later, I still abide by this rule. If one pair comes in, another must go out. Set limits and stick to them.
3. Designate a place
Remember the mantra "a place for everything and everything in its place"? The experts agree. By having a designated space for objects you stay organized and you keep from letting what you have over-take you. I love books. I don't think I could own enough books. To keep from getting cluttered, I keep all of my books on a bookcase in my office. If they don't fit, something has to go. If your clothes take up three closets, perhaps it's a sign that you need to donate.
4. Become an anti-consumer
We have more than we've ever had before. Look in your kitchen. How many appliances do you own? Research says we have 48% more than our parents. Count your computers, televisions, and other electronic devices. How many do you need? When I met my husband, he owned two pair of jeans, two pair of shoes, and ten or fifteen shirts and sweaters. After nearly a decade in the U.S. his wardrobe has quadrupled. article on consumerism
5. Break cleaning into chunks
Go through one room and clean it up. Get rid of all the things you don't use regularly. I liked one organization expert who suggested turning your clothes inside out in the closet. If they aren't right side out in 6 months or a year, you know you can easily let them go. When the kids were little, we used to have 5 minute clean up time. The house was never immaculate but it was better.
6. Organize email clutter
I don't have to tell you the average number of email messages sent and received each day. You know. To keep work and home email organized you need a strategy. David Allen suggests keeping your inbox completely free of messages. Although I have never been 100% empty, I work toward this goal. email clutter strategies
7. Have a garage sale
Why not make some money off the clutter? You can post things at online auction sites or have a good old-fashioned garage sale. Make a rule that whatever doesn't sell gets donated to make sure the clutter doesn't make its way back in the house.
8. Take before and after photos
Need some motivation? Take a picture of your kitchen junk drawer, or your closet. Clean it out and take another snapshot. The difference will keep you working room by room, surface by surface to get it all done.
9. Enlist a friend
My niece likes to collect things. Her room is filled to the brim with "valuables" she has tucked away. Her parents have little luck getting her to throw things out. Interestingly, when my daughter visits they work together to winnow the piles. The outsider coming to convince her to discard and donate is more successful than the insider. Do you have a logical and persuasive friend who can help assess what can go and what should remain?
10. Look for the reason have too much
Sometimes we keep things for reasons other than need. I was tempted to store my grandmother's knick knacks to have a piece of her life close by. The experts cite several reasons for amassing possessions such as low self-esteem, and a need to keep up with the Jones'. Extreme clutter can signify hoarding behavior. I am not sure if there are increasing numbers of hoarders or if this issue is more recognized and diagnosed. Either way, there are many avenues and options if you or a friend display hoarding tendencies. research on hoarding
I just don't have a place or use for them. Keeping an uncluttered home is difficult these days.I found one reference in a book by Daniel Pink that said there are more storage facilities in the U.S. than fast food restaurants. Instead of storing stuff to make room for more, let's looks for some experts' ideas to reduce clutter in your home.
1. Take care of it immediately
In his book, "Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity", David Allen suggests doing tasks that take under 2 minutes immediately. When mail comes in, sort through it and throw away junk before it hits the counter top. If you can pay the bill in under 2 minutes, do it. Instead of letting things stack up, tackle them immediately and get them out of the way.
2. Make rules
When my husband and I were dating he asked me to promise that I would not own more than 10 pairs of shoes. Coming from a country where people have many fewer possessions made him acutely aware of the contrast in America. Seven years later, I still abide by this rule. If one pair comes in, another must go out. Set limits and stick to them.
3. Designate a place
Remember the mantra "a place for everything and everything in its place"? The experts agree. By having a designated space for objects you stay organized and you keep from letting what you have over-take you. I love books. I don't think I could own enough books. To keep from getting cluttered, I keep all of my books on a bookcase in my office. If they don't fit, something has to go. If your clothes take up three closets, perhaps it's a sign that you need to donate.
4. Become an anti-consumer
We have more than we've ever had before. Look in your kitchen. How many appliances do you own? Research says we have 48% more than our parents. Count your computers, televisions, and other electronic devices. How many do you need? When I met my husband, he owned two pair of jeans, two pair of shoes, and ten or fifteen shirts and sweaters. After nearly a decade in the U.S. his wardrobe has quadrupled. article on consumerism
5. Break cleaning into chunks
Go through one room and clean it up. Get rid of all the things you don't use regularly. I liked one organization expert who suggested turning your clothes inside out in the closet. If they aren't right side out in 6 months or a year, you know you can easily let them go. When the kids were little, we used to have 5 minute clean up time. The house was never immaculate but it was better.
6. Organize email clutter
I don't have to tell you the average number of email messages sent and received each day. You know. To keep work and home email organized you need a strategy. David Allen suggests keeping your inbox completely free of messages. Although I have never been 100% empty, I work toward this goal. email clutter strategies
7. Have a garage sale
Why not make some money off the clutter? You can post things at online auction sites or have a good old-fashioned garage sale. Make a rule that whatever doesn't sell gets donated to make sure the clutter doesn't make its way back in the house.
8. Take before and after photos
Need some motivation? Take a picture of your kitchen junk drawer, or your closet. Clean it out and take another snapshot. The difference will keep you working room by room, surface by surface to get it all done.
9. Enlist a friend
My niece likes to collect things. Her room is filled to the brim with "valuables" she has tucked away. Her parents have little luck getting her to throw things out. Interestingly, when my daughter visits they work together to winnow the piles. The outsider coming to convince her to discard and donate is more successful than the insider. Do you have a logical and persuasive friend who can help assess what can go and what should remain?
10. Look for the reason have too much
Sometimes we keep things for reasons other than need. I was tempted to store my grandmother's knick knacks to have a piece of her life close by. The experts cite several reasons for amassing possessions such as low self-esteem, and a need to keep up with the Jones'. Extreme clutter can signify hoarding behavior. I am not sure if there are increasing numbers of hoarders or if this issue is more recognized and diagnosed. Either way, there are many avenues and options if you or a friend display hoarding tendencies. research on hoarding
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Your family: Instead of yelling at your kids
The scene: a local playground.
The subjects: two children playing in the sand next to my park bench
"Tyler, Jason, time to leave!"
"If you don't come here right this instant I am leaving without you."
"OK, I am going now. Come on boys you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE"
The older boy looked at the younger one and said "It's OK, She's not really mad yet."
The boys continued playing until the mother walked over and stood over them shouting. It was pretty clear to everyone that now, she was mad.
Why does it feel like kids don't listen unless we shout and threaten?
Today's list gives 10 things to do instead of screaming at your kids.
1. Offer choices
Many parenting experts talk about giving choices. In a few well-circulated books, the authors suggest combining choice with a consequence such as "clean your room or you are grounded'. In my opinion that isn't a choice. I think they should be two equal things that get you what you want and give kids an option.
- "Would you like to pick up your Barbie toys or the Lego blocks first?"
- "Would you like carrots or an apple for snack?"
2. Set yourself up for success
I find that I can sometimes avoid a yelling situation by changing something in the environment. For instance, when the kids come through the front door they leave shoes and sporting equipment everywhere. By buying two plastic bins and setting them by the garage door, they can easily dump their stuff and I have a clean entryway. Be creative with this one. You can find something to add, something to change, or something to take away that eliminates the problem all together.
3. Take a time out
I know, this one seems over-done. I wish I could take the one minute per year of age for myself and head to the mall. For me, it's not about the amount of time. Its about calming down. Need three minutes to get composed, take it. If it takes longer, ask a friend or a spouse to take over so you can get away and recover.
read more
4. Do something fun together
When my girls were bored, fighting often ensued. The sibling rivalry got on my nerves and yelling quickly followed. Instead, experts suggest changing the mood by doing an activity together. You can take a walk, go to the park, play a game. Anything to get the kids doing something constructive and fun will reduce stress and misbehavior. fun ideas
5. Whisper
My mother started out as a screamer but I don't remember ever hearing her raise her voice. Why not? As a student of psychology, she taught herself to whisper whenever she became angry. She lowered her voice. We knew she was mad and had to lower ours to listen. To this day, a whisper sends that "I'm in trouble" chill up my spine. I think the quiet voice was much more effective.
6. Do what you say you will do
In the story of the two boys in the park, clearly they understood that their Mom was not going to follow through on her threats. They played despite her yelling at them. Experts recommend consistency in parenting. In my head, consistency is not doing the same thing every time, it is doing what I say I am going to do. The kids know and develop trust that I will follow through. I have to be careful about what I say and leave empty threats out of the equation.
7. Make sure you have realistic expectations
Books on child development are wonderful for this idea. Knowing what is normal behavior for a certain age helps you determine what kids can do. One of my favorites is Elizabeth Crary's "Pick Up Your Socks". It lists all household chores by age so you know when to start asking for help and when the child can do them without assistance. link to "Pick Up Your Socks" Understanding what is developmentally appropriate helps you with toddler tantrums and teenage rebellion and most things in between.
8. Take time for yourself
Parenting is exhausting and offers no vacation or lunch breaks. You have to make them. Doing small things every day or every week to keep you at your peak is a requirement. Make time for workouts, quiet time, and hobbies so you don't become over-worked and resentful. I like having a little time every day for myself. You may want to save up time and take a longer, weekly break. tips for single parents
9. Mix it up
There are hundreds of ideas on teaching discipline. Throw away any book that says the technique listed is the only way to have well-behaved children. You will need an arsenal of ideas to discipline on a daily basis. Learn ten more techniques and then change them around. The child, the situation, and your mood all influence what strategy will work most effectively. A chore chart might work for a few months and suddenly lose it's motivational potency. Change it up. Keep it fresh.
10. Don't expect perfection
No matter how many books you read on perfect parenting, you are human. You will have times when you'll lose your cool and shout like a raving lunatic. It happens. Forgive yourself and move forward. Luckily kids are resilient when it comes to shouting parents. You made it through your parents screaming, didn't you? Although frequent tantrums are not good for parent or child, know that the occasional goof does not make you a bad parent. Your mistakes are important teaching opportunities. Apologizing for yelling and doing better next time provides a terrific role model for children. article on making mistakes in parenting
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Your finances: Instead of going in debt for college
(written by a student who did college debt free in only 3 years)
Ahoy, Senior Sailor! Your final voyage is about to set off! School has started. Prom, senior skip day, senior picnic, and graduation are right around the corner, so you should just kick back and enjoy the cruise, right? WRONG! Senior year is THE critical year for college preparation. Properly navigating this year can determine whether you’re attending your dream school, drowning in student loans, or working on the Jolly Rodger because you didn’t consider college until it was too late. Here are 10 things to do to prepare for college and catch that elusive big fish- scholarships.
1. Make a CollegeBoard.com Account & check it weekly
If you do nothing else your senior year, DO THIS! This website was created by the same company that creates the SAT. It’s full of all sorts of data on colleges, scholarships, test prep, and even has a customizable financial planner. This is the single most valuable tool in your college preparation arsenal, use it! (No they didn’t pay me to say this.)college board
2. Take the SAT or ACT again.
Many guidance counselors stress the importance of taking these tests during your junior year but forget to mention that taking it senior year may be a great investment too. Colleges accept these scores for scholarship consideration until spring of senior year; One hundred more points on the SAT may translate to $5,000 of scholarship money. Sign up for a test-prep class first thing senior year and take both tests at least twice. It’s definitely worth every penny! (Note- Because I was on a tight budget, I asked my teachers to tutor me after school instead of enrolling in a formal test-prep class. Most were more than willing.)
3. Sign up for Scholarship Websites
There are several websites that compile private scholarship information and put it in one place. These websites often allow you to enter your information and experiences and bring up a relevant list of scholarships for which you qualify. I suggest searching by dollar amount and applying to the biggest ones first, then begin working by deadline due. Use a planner to write down scholarship deadlines and try to apply for at least one every week. Some scholarships only require that you submit your name in a random drawing. Some are given to every individual who qualifies and applies. (Note- Be very wary of any “scholarship” that requires you to pay to apply. Do not apply unless you can verify their legitimacy.) Scholarships.com Fastweb.com
4. Research Schools
Use the collegeboard.com and .edu websites to look up school statistics, and then compare them with sites that rank schools. What is the cost of attendance (COA)? What is the average/minimum test score required to attend? How big is the school? How good is their intramural/ varsity sports program? What % of student who apply get accepted? How many people commute/live in dorms/do Greek life? Start creating an idea of what you’re looking for in a university and compare that with how the school is ranked (your intended major or overall if you’re unsure). I knew I wanted the best ranked business school for my COA, but some of my peers were more concerned with the amenities of the school. By researching, you can develop a picture of what a school can do for you! http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/
5. Use College Visit Days
Looking at colleges on paper (or a computer screen) is one thing. Visiting a school and getting a feel for how the campus functions is totally different. After researching, I picked 5 colleges to visit and took notes of how I felt after each one. I was surprised to see that some front runners going into the search were not the schools I could see myself being happy at. Call ahead to schedule the campus visit and talk to the students in the admissions office. I was able to cross one school off my list after I talked to 3 very unhelpful students who gave poor impressions of their university. Take a close relative or friend who knows you well to the visit, but don’t let them bias your decision. The next 4 years of your life (or 20% of your life so far) will be spent here and only you can decide on the best fit.
6. Write 2 super amazing entrance essays
Have the very best English teacher at your school review two admission essays that are applicable when applying to almost every school. Start with a grabbing introduction that tells a story about who you are, and end with a revelation that displays change and development. Make sure to have references to the things you have accomplished while in High School as it really makes your resume come alive. Don’t be afraid to get creative. Schools eat up uniqueness! Here are some examples of what your essays should look like: http://www.college-admission-essay.com/essays.html
7. Apply to at least 3 schools & their scholarships
I applied to every college that sent me a brochure waiving the application fee, for a total of around 20 colleges. By applying to so many schools I was able to “haggle” with scholarships. After receiving an offer, I’d call a comparable school and inform them of my offer at a competing school. Often they’d say they could match it or do better. If time is a constraint, be sure to apply to one relatively sure-bet, one that will offer you a large scholarship (often beneath your capability), and one “reach” where your test scores are at the lower end of what they normally accept. You’ll often be surprised to find that your great essay pushed you into a school you didn’t think you could get into. Note- Make sure that when you’re submitting your application, you’re also applying for scholarships & student housing- some schools make you complete two or even three separate applications. Don’t be afraid to call if you’re unsure.
8. Sign-up for AP classes and take the tests
My friends said I was nuts my senior year. I signed up for SIX AP CLASSES. They poked fun of me for doing homework senior year, or for spending time applying for scholarships instead of going to the Bowl-A-Rama. Because I took so many AP classes, I was able to graduate a full year early from college. This saved me over $45,000 and allowed my scholarships to be applied to student loans from the prior three years. Although I never bowled a 200, taking AP classes my senior year made me a rare occurrence- a debt free college graduate. (Note- If your AP score is on the borderline for what your college accepts, call and ask if you can get the credit anyway, or take the school’s placement exam. If the course isn’t fundamental to your major, you may find some unexpected leniency. I got 10 hours of Spanish credit this way.)
9. Ask Questions
Applying for college & scholarships is an aggressive process. You may find that building a repertoire with a few key people may go a long way. I made an appointment with my guidance counselor about once every quarter senior year to talk about the next steps in the college-bound process. He really helped me stay on track and also got me in touch with alumni of the schools I was interested in- one whom is even helping to “subsidize” my education. I also called my colleges of interest and asked to speak with students. I even went for a 3-day trip and stayed with a student majoring in my intended field. I went to class with her and spent the weekend living in a dorm. This really eased my anxiety about college. You'll find that asking questions gives you an advantage over students who just send off the paperwork and wait.
10. Have it all done & finished with by spring break
At this point colleges have had their applications open for awhile, and at some schools the deadline has passed and you’ve received an offer. You should be pretty set on where you want to go at this point, or at least have it narrowed down to two options and be waiting to hear back on final offers. The major senior year festivities are right around the corner and it’s finally time to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Applying to college may seem like a HUGE undertaking, but really it’s a great way to prepare for actually being in college. I found that working diligently senior year made the gap between high school and college narrow significantly. You’ll probably even find that with good time management skills, following the ten steps above don’t actually take time away from friends and family. I still had a solid social life senior year & really enjoyed myself.
Bon Voyage, Sailor. It’s your turn to brave the murky waters of your pre-college year. Good luck!
Written by Kathryn.
Ahoy, Senior Sailor! Your final voyage is about to set off! School has started. Prom, senior skip day, senior picnic, and graduation are right around the corner, so you should just kick back and enjoy the cruise, right? WRONG! Senior year is THE critical year for college preparation. Properly navigating this year can determine whether you’re attending your dream school, drowning in student loans, or working on the Jolly Rodger because you didn’t consider college until it was too late. Here are 10 things to do to prepare for college and catch that elusive big fish- scholarships.
1. Make a CollegeBoard.com Account & check it weekly
If you do nothing else your senior year, DO THIS! This website was created by the same company that creates the SAT. It’s full of all sorts of data on colleges, scholarships, test prep, and even has a customizable financial planner. This is the single most valuable tool in your college preparation arsenal, use it! (No they didn’t pay me to say this.)college board
2. Take the SAT or ACT again.
Many guidance counselors stress the importance of taking these tests during your junior year but forget to mention that taking it senior year may be a great investment too. Colleges accept these scores for scholarship consideration until spring of senior year; One hundred more points on the SAT may translate to $5,000 of scholarship money. Sign up for a test-prep class first thing senior year and take both tests at least twice. It’s definitely worth every penny! (Note- Because I was on a tight budget, I asked my teachers to tutor me after school instead of enrolling in a formal test-prep class. Most were more than willing.)
3. Sign up for Scholarship Websites
There are several websites that compile private scholarship information and put it in one place. These websites often allow you to enter your information and experiences and bring up a relevant list of scholarships for which you qualify. I suggest searching by dollar amount and applying to the biggest ones first, then begin working by deadline due. Use a planner to write down scholarship deadlines and try to apply for at least one every week. Some scholarships only require that you submit your name in a random drawing. Some are given to every individual who qualifies and applies. (Note- Be very wary of any “scholarship” that requires you to pay to apply. Do not apply unless you can verify their legitimacy.) Scholarships.com Fastweb.com
4. Research Schools
Use the collegeboard.com and .edu websites to look up school statistics, and then compare them with sites that rank schools. What is the cost of attendance (COA)? What is the average/minimum test score required to attend? How big is the school? How good is their intramural/ varsity sports program? What % of student who apply get accepted? How many people commute/live in dorms/do Greek life? Start creating an idea of what you’re looking for in a university and compare that with how the school is ranked (your intended major or overall if you’re unsure). I knew I wanted the best ranked business school for my COA, but some of my peers were more concerned with the amenities of the school. By researching, you can develop a picture of what a school can do for you! http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/
5. Use College Visit Days
Looking at colleges on paper (or a computer screen) is one thing. Visiting a school and getting a feel for how the campus functions is totally different. After researching, I picked 5 colleges to visit and took notes of how I felt after each one. I was surprised to see that some front runners going into the search were not the schools I could see myself being happy at. Call ahead to schedule the campus visit and talk to the students in the admissions office. I was able to cross one school off my list after I talked to 3 very unhelpful students who gave poor impressions of their university. Take a close relative or friend who knows you well to the visit, but don’t let them bias your decision. The next 4 years of your life (or 20% of your life so far) will be spent here and only you can decide on the best fit.
6. Write 2 super amazing entrance essays
Have the very best English teacher at your school review two admission essays that are applicable when applying to almost every school. Start with a grabbing introduction that tells a story about who you are, and end with a revelation that displays change and development. Make sure to have references to the things you have accomplished while in High School as it really makes your resume come alive. Don’t be afraid to get creative. Schools eat up uniqueness! Here are some examples of what your essays should look like: http://www.college-admission-essay.com/essays.html
7. Apply to at least 3 schools & their scholarships
I applied to every college that sent me a brochure waiving the application fee, for a total of around 20 colleges. By applying to so many schools I was able to “haggle” with scholarships. After receiving an offer, I’d call a comparable school and inform them of my offer at a competing school. Often they’d say they could match it or do better. If time is a constraint, be sure to apply to one relatively sure-bet, one that will offer you a large scholarship (often beneath your capability), and one “reach” where your test scores are at the lower end of what they normally accept. You’ll often be surprised to find that your great essay pushed you into a school you didn’t think you could get into. Note- Make sure that when you’re submitting your application, you’re also applying for scholarships & student housing- some schools make you complete two or even three separate applications. Don’t be afraid to call if you’re unsure.
8. Sign-up for AP classes and take the tests
My friends said I was nuts my senior year. I signed up for SIX AP CLASSES. They poked fun of me for doing homework senior year, or for spending time applying for scholarships instead of going to the Bowl-A-Rama. Because I took so many AP classes, I was able to graduate a full year early from college. This saved me over $45,000 and allowed my scholarships to be applied to student loans from the prior three years. Although I never bowled a 200, taking AP classes my senior year made me a rare occurrence- a debt free college graduate. (Note- If your AP score is on the borderline for what your college accepts, call and ask if you can get the credit anyway, or take the school’s placement exam. If the course isn’t fundamental to your major, you may find some unexpected leniency. I got 10 hours of Spanish credit this way.)
9. Ask Questions
Applying for college & scholarships is an aggressive process. You may find that building a repertoire with a few key people may go a long way. I made an appointment with my guidance counselor about once every quarter senior year to talk about the next steps in the college-bound process. He really helped me stay on track and also got me in touch with alumni of the schools I was interested in- one whom is even helping to “subsidize” my education. I also called my colleges of interest and asked to speak with students. I even went for a 3-day trip and stayed with a student majoring in my intended field. I went to class with her and spent the weekend living in a dorm. This really eased my anxiety about college. You'll find that asking questions gives you an advantage over students who just send off the paperwork and wait.
10. Have it all done & finished with by spring break
At this point colleges have had their applications open for awhile, and at some schools the deadline has passed and you’ve received an offer. You should be pretty set on where you want to go at this point, or at least have it narrowed down to two options and be waiting to hear back on final offers. The major senior year festivities are right around the corner and it’s finally time to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Applying to college may seem like a HUGE undertaking, but really it’s a great way to prepare for actually being in college. I found that working diligently senior year made the gap between high school and college narrow significantly. You’ll probably even find that with good time management skills, following the ten steps above don’t actually take time away from friends and family. I still had a solid social life senior year & really enjoyed myself.
Bon Voyage, Sailor. It’s your turn to brave the murky waters of your pre-college year. Good luck!
Written by Kathryn.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Your health: Instead of letting chronic pain define you
Recently my co-worker sprained her ankle and is spending several weeks walking awkwardly in an immobilizing boot. She came to our three-day meeting armed with some over-the-counter medication and asked for extra room so she could put her foot up. Uncomfortable as she is, she knows her situation is temporary and is counting the days until the boot comes off. She will be back in high heels in no time.
Pain gets our attention. When was the last time you stopped and said "Hey, I don't have a headache."? The minute you get a headache however, you are looking for an aspirin and unable to concentrate. Imagine dealing with pain most of the time. Imagine days and weeks and even months of discomfort. A recent survey by the Arthritis Foundation said that 42% of adults suffer from pain daily. read more here
Instead of letting the constant state of pain decide who you are and what you do, here are a few alternatives. None of these should replace sound medical advice so be sure and talk to your health care provider for ideas specific to your condition.
1. Become an advocate
According to one research study as many as half of adullts suffering from chronic pain are mistreated. Take time to read about your condition, so you can make the most of your office visits. Information about your condition will give you insight into what to do and not to do. You may also learn what other people who have the same condition are doing. A list of organizations from the National Institute of Health
2. Stay as active as possible
It's tempting to take it easy when you aren't feeling well.Get a doctor's approval and then get moving. People who have back pain tend to want to stay in bed. In fact, it's much better to move around. You may not be able to jog at the park but perhaps a ride on a stationary bike or some yoga will work perfectly.
3. Medicate carefully
If you are seeing multiple health care professionals, be sure to carry a list of all the medications you have been prescribed. A pharmacist can also help you balance medications. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about side effects and how the drugs interact with other medications and with certain foods.Don't forget to talk about over-the-counter medications. Recent reports show that these readily available pain relievers are not safe at high dosages. I was surprised to read that taking the recommended daily dose might be too much.
4. Accept help
Ok, it's time to disclose that I suffer from chronic pain due to a genetic arthritic condition. I get most irritated when I cannot do something that is normally easy to manage. On my worst days, I need help getting dressed. This one is especially difficult for me. Let your friends and family assist you. They will feel good about helping. Give them the opportunity.
5. Watch for triggers
If yard work causes weeks of pain, give it up. Knowing what types of activities or situations exacerbate the pain will help you plan ahead. I have trouble walking long distances so on a recent trip to a children's museum with my niece and nephew, I rented a wheelchair. It wasn't as embarrassing as I thought AND I was able to enjoy the event instead avoiding it.
6. Tell your friends and family
I know, you don't want to talk about it. Apparently you aren't alone. I found several articles with advice for loved ones including one showing that a spouse's reinforcement was the best predictor of managing pain.read more here
7. Join a support group
Studies say having a support group and social network make a difference in the perception of pain. Attend services in your faith community, have lunch with your friends, attend a local chapter meeting. Your companion doesn't even have to be human. One study showed chronic pain patients who spent 30 minutes petting an animal reported lower levels of pain after the event.
8. Make love
Good sex elevates oxytocin and endorphin levels in the brain which can greatly reduces the feeling of pain for several hours afterward. Intimacy and pleasure have multiple benefits which are often topics in medical research.read more
9. Focus on someone else
Ever notice that when you're busy and engaged in something, time flies? The same holds true for pain. We are less aware of the pain when our minds are occupied. Several studies reveal people who experience chronic pain and engage in passive activities have higher levels of depression and report more flare ups than patients who find active ways to cope with pain.
10. Talk to your counselor or mental health professional
Several techniques exist for managing chronic pain. I read about self-hypnosis and deep breathing exercises. Research also mentioned that people who suffer chronic pain are much more likely to suffer from clinical depression. read more
Pain gets our attention. When was the last time you stopped and said "Hey, I don't have a headache."? The minute you get a headache however, you are looking for an aspirin and unable to concentrate. Imagine dealing with pain most of the time. Imagine days and weeks and even months of discomfort. A recent survey by the Arthritis Foundation said that 42% of adults suffer from pain daily. read more here
Instead of letting the constant state of pain decide who you are and what you do, here are a few alternatives. None of these should replace sound medical advice so be sure and talk to your health care provider for ideas specific to your condition.
1. Become an advocate
According to one research study as many as half of adullts suffering from chronic pain are mistreated. Take time to read about your condition, so you can make the most of your office visits. Information about your condition will give you insight into what to do and not to do. You may also learn what other people who have the same condition are doing. A list of organizations from the National Institute of Health
2. Stay as active as possible
It's tempting to take it easy when you aren't feeling well.Get a doctor's approval and then get moving. People who have back pain tend to want to stay in bed. In fact, it's much better to move around. You may not be able to jog at the park but perhaps a ride on a stationary bike or some yoga will work perfectly.
3. Medicate carefully
If you are seeing multiple health care professionals, be sure to carry a list of all the medications you have been prescribed. A pharmacist can also help you balance medications. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about side effects and how the drugs interact with other medications and with certain foods.Don't forget to talk about over-the-counter medications. Recent reports show that these readily available pain relievers are not safe at high dosages. I was surprised to read that taking the recommended daily dose might be too much.
4. Accept help
Ok, it's time to disclose that I suffer from chronic pain due to a genetic arthritic condition. I get most irritated when I cannot do something that is normally easy to manage. On my worst days, I need help getting dressed. This one is especially difficult for me. Let your friends and family assist you. They will feel good about helping. Give them the opportunity.
5. Watch for triggers
If yard work causes weeks of pain, give it up. Knowing what types of activities or situations exacerbate the pain will help you plan ahead. I have trouble walking long distances so on a recent trip to a children's museum with my niece and nephew, I rented a wheelchair. It wasn't as embarrassing as I thought AND I was able to enjoy the event instead avoiding it.
6. Tell your friends and family
I know, you don't want to talk about it. Apparently you aren't alone. I found several articles with advice for loved ones including one showing that a spouse's reinforcement was the best predictor of managing pain.read more here
7. Join a support group
Studies say having a support group and social network make a difference in the perception of pain. Attend services in your faith community, have lunch with your friends, attend a local chapter meeting. Your companion doesn't even have to be human. One study showed chronic pain patients who spent 30 minutes petting an animal reported lower levels of pain after the event.
8. Make love
Good sex elevates oxytocin and endorphin levels in the brain which can greatly reduces the feeling of pain for several hours afterward. Intimacy and pleasure have multiple benefits which are often topics in medical research.read more
9. Focus on someone else
Ever notice that when you're busy and engaged in something, time flies? The same holds true for pain. We are less aware of the pain when our minds are occupied. Several studies reveal people who experience chronic pain and engage in passive activities have higher levels of depression and report more flare ups than patients who find active ways to cope with pain.
10. Talk to your counselor or mental health professional
Several techniques exist for managing chronic pain. I read about self-hypnosis and deep breathing exercises. Research also mentioned that people who suffer chronic pain are much more likely to suffer from clinical depression. read more
Friday, August 6, 2010
Your family: Instead of the same old restaurant
Bored with date night? Going to the same place every time you go out? Here are some tips and tricks to keep your date nights fun and interesting and bring back the excitement you felt when you first met.
1. Research a new cuisine
Last week my coworker told me about visiting a Bosnian restaurant. I didn't even know Bosnian was a cuisine. One great thing about the U.S. is the diverse food available. If you normally get a steak, try Brazilian. If you prefer veggies, Indian and Vietnamese will fit the bill. types of cuisine by popularity
2. Crack open the cookbook
I know, I don't cook either. You can have fun in the kitchen. Make something special and create an atmosphere that compliments your dish. My husband once prepared a romantic dinner with filet mignon, stuffed mushrooms, and garllic mashed potatoes. Soft music, candles and flowers added to the ambiance. His attention to detail made this a memorable date.
3. Do something active
Remember what you did as a couple when you were newly dating? Did you try new adventures? Were you more likely to do something out of your comfort zone? Bring back the playful feelings by going on an adventure date. Try rock climbing if it's available in your community. Go fishing. Play video games at the arcade. Take a walk at sunset. The ideas here are limitless. date ideas
4. Ask your friends for new places
I have a single friend who goes out often. She knows we like to listen to live music and looks for bands we might enjoy. On her suggestion we went to a cool club and danced until midnight. We still talk about that experience more than a year later.
5. Plan a picnic
When we were last in Denmark visiting my husband's family, we noticed people carried picnic baskets. At Legoland, families shared coffee from a thermos instead of buying it at the concession stand. It's their version of fast food. They plan ahead and bring it with them. Families don't eat often because the cost is prohibitive. Adopt some old-fashioned fun and plan an evening picnic someplace beautiful. shopping for a picnic basket
6. Google it
Need a new place for dinner? The internet holds the key to endless possibilities. We like the website Open Table where you can find a place, read reviews and make reservations.
7. Plan a progressive dinner
You and your friends can enjoy dinner together and no one does all of the cooking. Start somewhere for appetizers and move from house to house eating one course in each. It looks like party planners think three changes are ideal so you aren't spending more time driving than eating.
8. Surprise your partner
I married a romantic man. Every few months he plans an evening that is a complete surprise. He tells me only two things: how dressed up I should be and the time we are leaving. It adds a note of nervous excitement during the week as I wonder what we he has in store. He knows what researchers have been saying for years, the unexpected is fun. Anticipation builds and reminds you that you don't know everything about each other after all. read more about love and the brain
9. Find a new favorite
How will you know if you'll like something unless you try it? Every person's favorite restaurant was an unknown place at some time. Go on a date looking for your next favorite place.Even if it doesn't work out, you have a funny story to tell later.
10. Get outta town
Been there, done that right? Try making a weekend of it and going someplace a few hours away. You get to spend time together traveling and enjoy seeing something as a visitor. You can either plan a weekend, researching where you'll stay and what you'll do or you can wing it and drive aimlessly. I tend to be a planner these days, perhaps next weekend I'll try picking a place randomly and letting life surprise me.
1. Research a new cuisine
Last week my coworker told me about visiting a Bosnian restaurant. I didn't even know Bosnian was a cuisine. One great thing about the U.S. is the diverse food available. If you normally get a steak, try Brazilian. If you prefer veggies, Indian and Vietnamese will fit the bill. types of cuisine by popularity
2. Crack open the cookbook
I know, I don't cook either. You can have fun in the kitchen. Make something special and create an atmosphere that compliments your dish. My husband once prepared a romantic dinner with filet mignon, stuffed mushrooms, and garllic mashed potatoes. Soft music, candles and flowers added to the ambiance. His attention to detail made this a memorable date.
3. Do something active
Remember what you did as a couple when you were newly dating? Did you try new adventures? Were you more likely to do something out of your comfort zone? Bring back the playful feelings by going on an adventure date. Try rock climbing if it's available in your community. Go fishing. Play video games at the arcade. Take a walk at sunset. The ideas here are limitless. date ideas
4. Ask your friends for new places
I have a single friend who goes out often. She knows we like to listen to live music and looks for bands we might enjoy. On her suggestion we went to a cool club and danced until midnight. We still talk about that experience more than a year later.
5. Plan a picnic
When we were last in Denmark visiting my husband's family, we noticed people carried picnic baskets. At Legoland, families shared coffee from a thermos instead of buying it at the concession stand. It's their version of fast food. They plan ahead and bring it with them. Families don't eat often because the cost is prohibitive. Adopt some old-fashioned fun and plan an evening picnic someplace beautiful. shopping for a picnic basket
6. Google it
Need a new place for dinner? The internet holds the key to endless possibilities. We like the website Open Table where you can find a place, read reviews and make reservations.
7. Plan a progressive dinner
You and your friends can enjoy dinner together and no one does all of the cooking. Start somewhere for appetizers and move from house to house eating one course in each. It looks like party planners think three changes are ideal so you aren't spending more time driving than eating.
8. Surprise your partner
I married a romantic man. Every few months he plans an evening that is a complete surprise. He tells me only two things: how dressed up I should be and the time we are leaving. It adds a note of nervous excitement during the week as I wonder what we he has in store. He knows what researchers have been saying for years, the unexpected is fun. Anticipation builds and reminds you that you don't know everything about each other after all. read more about love and the brain
9. Find a new favorite
How will you know if you'll like something unless you try it? Every person's favorite restaurant was an unknown place at some time. Go on a date looking for your next favorite place.Even if it doesn't work out, you have a funny story to tell later.
10. Get outta town
Been there, done that right? Try making a weekend of it and going someplace a few hours away. You get to spend time together traveling and enjoy seeing something as a visitor. You can either plan a weekend, researching where you'll stay and what you'll do or you can wing it and drive aimlessly. I tend to be a planner these days, perhaps next weekend I'll try picking a place randomly and letting life surprise me.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Your mind: Instead of reading celebrity gossip
I get my hair cut every 6 weeks. The salon, a very charming small town down town shop has a cute little waiting area filled with magazines. The mother-daughter owners keep them current, no 2007 beauty tips in this place. With all those choices, what do women choose to read, the gossip sheets. The ones filled with pictures of pseudo-celebrities walking down the street. Been in rehab? They're in. Been dumped on a TV show by a woman who "falls in love" with three men in four weeks? You're in. Jail, car crashes with paparazzi, forgetting undergarments, and out-of-wedlock children make your walk down the street more important than a change in regime in the middle east.
Instead of rating who looked better in the besequined movie premiere dress wearing shoes no one can walk in, try something on today's list.
1. Stare at nothing
It is better for your brain. I am not kidding. Looking at nothing and thinking of anything burn more calories and kill fewer brain cells than reading trash. Really.
2. Talk to someone
Spend time learning about people who live and work in the real world. Did you know that if you are between 15 and 30, you probably spend more time sending electronic communication than talking to a person?
3. Read real news
Can you name the Prime Minister of Germany? Did you know she is Chancellor, not Prime Minister? What is the head of state called in Mexico? Can you name him? No, this isn't a history quiz. Check out your local news too.
4. Get involved
After you're finished reading the local news, are you discouraged? What can you do to help? Instead of focusing on the Kendra or Paris perceived fashion faux pas, see if there are girls in your community who need a mentor. I volunteer in the local high school and am amazed at how much kids appreciate adults who take an interest in them.
5. Do a puzzle
Your brain is not gaining when you read about celebrity dating tips. Do a crossword, brainteaser, or sudoku puzzle and your brain will thank you. The trick here is to change them up. Doing the crossword every day doesn't challenge your brain nearly as much as trying something new.
6. Organize something
Remember your mother threatening to give you work to do when you complained of boredom? Can't organize because you're at the salon? Read about organizing something. I once saw Martha Stewart iron out of season curtains on special hangers and store them in a curtain closet. I don't even have curtains, let alone curtain closets. Something to work toward.
7. Ask a long-married person the secret of happiness
Ever notice that the people who show up giving dating advice have revolving door relationships?
8. Take a class
If you can name 5 things about any of the real housewives, you are the perfect candidate for art class, gardening seminar or theoretical mathematics degree. You have time, use it wisely.
9. Play cards with a Senior Citizen
Here's a way to get credit for several items on the list by doing one thing. Playing board and card games stimulates those stagnating brain cells and going to a Nursing Home gets you involved. Just for fun, ask them who appeared in the gossip magazines in their day.
10. Find a hobby
The genesis for this blog came from a tell-all magazine. I was in an airport gift shop and had read the available books. I was tempted to buy a popular gossip rag for something to do at the hotel. Luckily my inner voice told me "There have to be 10 better things to do instead of reading THAT!"
Instead of rating who looked better in the besequined movie premiere dress wearing shoes no one can walk in, try something on today's list.
1. Stare at nothing
It is better for your brain. I am not kidding. Looking at nothing and thinking of anything burn more calories and kill fewer brain cells than reading trash. Really.
2. Talk to someone
Spend time learning about people who live and work in the real world. Did you know that if you are between 15 and 30, you probably spend more time sending electronic communication than talking to a person?
3. Read real news
Can you name the Prime Minister of Germany? Did you know she is Chancellor, not Prime Minister? What is the head of state called in Mexico? Can you name him? No, this isn't a history quiz. Check out your local news too.
4. Get involved
After you're finished reading the local news, are you discouraged? What can you do to help? Instead of focusing on the Kendra or Paris perceived fashion faux pas, see if there are girls in your community who need a mentor. I volunteer in the local high school and am amazed at how much kids appreciate adults who take an interest in them.
5. Do a puzzle
Your brain is not gaining when you read about celebrity dating tips. Do a crossword, brainteaser, or sudoku puzzle and your brain will thank you. The trick here is to change them up. Doing the crossword every day doesn't challenge your brain nearly as much as trying something new.
6. Organize something
Remember your mother threatening to give you work to do when you complained of boredom? Can't organize because you're at the salon? Read about organizing something. I once saw Martha Stewart iron out of season curtains on special hangers and store them in a curtain closet. I don't even have curtains, let alone curtain closets. Something to work toward.
7. Ask a long-married person the secret of happiness
Ever notice that the people who show up giving dating advice have revolving door relationships?
8. Take a class
If you can name 5 things about any of the real housewives, you are the perfect candidate for art class, gardening seminar or theoretical mathematics degree. You have time, use it wisely.
9. Play cards with a Senior Citizen
Here's a way to get credit for several items on the list by doing one thing. Playing board and card games stimulates those stagnating brain cells and going to a Nursing Home gets you involved. Just for fun, ask them who appeared in the gossip magazines in their day.
10. Find a hobby
The genesis for this blog came from a tell-all magazine. I was in an airport gift shop and had read the available books. I was tempted to buy a popular gossip rag for something to do at the hotel. Luckily my inner voice told me "There have to be 10 better things to do instead of reading THAT!"
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Your health: Instead of skipping the workout
No matter how many reasons health experts give us to workout on a daily basis, I can think of more not to do it. It's too early, too late, too far away, too boring. I am too busy, too far, too tired, too relaxed. I could write paragraphs of all the reasons I have told myself that today, it is OK to skip the workout. Today's list is meant to help me, and hopefully you, overcome excuse giving and get moving.
1. Find a new way to exercise
I like routine in exercise most of the time. I listen to the same music and stick to the same machines at the gym. No wonder I am bored. Experts suggest changing your workout frequently. You are less likely to get bored and you will challenge your muscles. ideas for exercise
2. Get a buddy
You need an accountability partner to help motivate you on days you want to sit this one out. It is more difficult to skip a workout if you know someone is waiting on you to get started. When I work out with my daughters or my husband, I work longer than when I am alone since I don't want to be the one to call it quits.
3. List reasons to get in shape
My husband joined an online weight loss site called Calorie King. One of the first projects he was asked to do was to list reasons why he wanted to lose weight and get in shape. He regularly looks at this list and uses it to keep himself on the right track. Calorie King
4. Attend a class
Group workouts create peer pressure. They often include an instructor to offer help and expertise. I found one study that said people burn more calories in a group setting than doing cardio on their own. Check out your local community center or health club because options for these classes are many. After looking at this one, I am ready to try Zumba. (I'll let you know how it goes).
5. Subscribe to a health magazine or website
I have read Prevention magazine off and on for years. Each time, I get some tips on eating and exercise that help me stay motivated. My health club also publishes an excellent monthly magazine. Having something come monthly serves as a good reminder and keeps me on top of current trends.
6. Get outside
As I write this, it is 103 degrees outside. Walking at the park seems impossible. I could swim though. Find an activity that takes you out to the nature around you. Best of all, this one is free!
7. Wear a pedometer
Several years ago I set a crazy goal to walk 1,000 miles in a year. It wasn't as difficult as I thought. Wearing a pedometer daily made me more aware of how sedentary I was. I liked the Omeron when I was shopping. The quality varies on these so do some research and find a reliable one.
8. Park far away from the door
If your day is too long or out of your control to schedule specific workout time, you can improvise. Make small decisions throughout your day to increase your activity level. I laugh at how people at my fitness club park right next to the door even waiting for an open space. Take the stairs. Do a push up against your desk. Take the dog for a ten minute walk. It all counts.
9. Schedule time
You know you have your commute every day. You know how long you need to get dressed in the morning. Make your workout just as scheduled as brushing your teeth and watching your favorite show on television. I stop at the gym on my way home from work. My kids know if I walk in the door and am not sweaty, I whimped out. Just knowing that makes me stop most days.
10. Work towards a larger goal
It's easy to forget why you need that 30 minutes of weight lifting after a long day with the kids. Remembering that your time working out benefits you and your family in so many ways. Besides weight loss, you lower your risk of heart disease, are less likely to have some forms of cancer, decrease likelihood of depression, and avoid having the sagging wings on your arms. read more on health benefits of exercise
1. Find a new way to exercise
I like routine in exercise most of the time. I listen to the same music and stick to the same machines at the gym. No wonder I am bored. Experts suggest changing your workout frequently. You are less likely to get bored and you will challenge your muscles. ideas for exercise
2. Get a buddy
You need an accountability partner to help motivate you on days you want to sit this one out. It is more difficult to skip a workout if you know someone is waiting on you to get started. When I work out with my daughters or my husband, I work longer than when I am alone since I don't want to be the one to call it quits.
3. List reasons to get in shape
My husband joined an online weight loss site called Calorie King. One of the first projects he was asked to do was to list reasons why he wanted to lose weight and get in shape. He regularly looks at this list and uses it to keep himself on the right track. Calorie King
4. Attend a class
Group workouts create peer pressure. They often include an instructor to offer help and expertise. I found one study that said people burn more calories in a group setting than doing cardio on their own. Check out your local community center or health club because options for these classes are many. After looking at this one, I am ready to try Zumba. (I'll let you know how it goes).
5. Subscribe to a health magazine or website
I have read Prevention magazine off and on for years. Each time, I get some tips on eating and exercise that help me stay motivated. My health club also publishes an excellent monthly magazine. Having something come monthly serves as a good reminder and keeps me on top of current trends.
6. Get outside
As I write this, it is 103 degrees outside. Walking at the park seems impossible. I could swim though. Find an activity that takes you out to the nature around you. Best of all, this one is free!
7. Wear a pedometer
Several years ago I set a crazy goal to walk 1,000 miles in a year. It wasn't as difficult as I thought. Wearing a pedometer daily made me more aware of how sedentary I was. I liked the Omeron when I was shopping. The quality varies on these so do some research and find a reliable one.
8. Park far away from the door
If your day is too long or out of your control to schedule specific workout time, you can improvise. Make small decisions throughout your day to increase your activity level. I laugh at how people at my fitness club park right next to the door even waiting for an open space. Take the stairs. Do a push up against your desk. Take the dog for a ten minute walk. It all counts.
9. Schedule time
You know you have your commute every day. You know how long you need to get dressed in the morning. Make your workout just as scheduled as brushing your teeth and watching your favorite show on television. I stop at the gym on my way home from work. My kids know if I walk in the door and am not sweaty, I whimped out. Just knowing that makes me stop most days.
10. Work towards a larger goal
It's easy to forget why you need that 30 minutes of weight lifting after a long day with the kids. Remembering that your time working out benefits you and your family in so many ways. Besides weight loss, you lower your risk of heart disease, are less likely to have some forms of cancer, decrease likelihood of depression, and avoid having the sagging wings on your arms. read more on health benefits of exercise
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