Last year, Denmark was rated the happiest nation on Earth. When my husband, a native Dane, read this he was skeptical. People in Denmark pay high taxes, live in small houses or apartments, and own many fewer possessions than most families in the U.S. The odd thing about this is, their taxes and ownership are a big reason why they won the prize. The key, according to the researchers, is that Danes don't expect to have much so they are happy with what they have. I need to learn from this and I thought perhaps you might also benefit.
No matter what my weight, I want to be thinner. No matter what hangs in my closet, the new dress at the mall looks better. I have a fullfilling career, I could be richer. See the pattern? Why is it that we expect to look like Angelina and live like Bill Gates? The obsession with diet fixes and the amount of debt says I am not alone in this. Today's list might give you some ideas for being happy with who you are instead of trying to be something you're not.
1. Accept compliments
A psychologist friend of mine told me that women rarely accept compliments. We say thank you and smile but don't believe them. Try letting your next compliment sink deeply and savor the intended message.
2. Compliment what's good in others
I confess. I do not like Angelina Jolie- for no reason. I haven't seen her movies, not even one. I just don't like her. Why? Mostly because she is beautiful and I am envious. What I am learning to do instead of finding fault with people who are better than me is to compliment them. "She's has a radiant smile." sounds so much less petty than "I don't like her because she is pretty."
3. Talk it up
When I was in school studying psycology we learned about self-talk. I thought the belief that talking yourself up (or down) was silly. Words to yourself cannot be that important, right? Turns out I was wrong. Making positive statements about yourself has a big effect on your self-esteem, not to mention the perception of others. Who would you prefer to work with - the woman who puts herself down or the one who is confident and poised?
4. List your strengths
This one pairs nicely with the one above. If you know what you do well, you can use that information to your advantage. My interest in learning and knowing got me here to this blog. Your creativity or assertiveness will serve you well. Admit you have strengths and then apply them as often as possible.
5. Don't set yourself up to fail
I can't cook. Ask ayone. When the kids were younger I never volunteered to bring cookies to the school party. I am fantastic with napkins though. Knowing what you are not good at is just as valuable as listing your strengths. Bad sense of direction? Leave early so you can get lost and still make the interview. Self-concious about your appearance? Find a store clerk to help you make good wardrobe decisions.
6. Find situational stumbling blocks
Do you notice a place you feel less self-confident? Ok, besides the neighborhood pool. I noticed two places I am particularly sensitive turing a normally self-assured woman into a mess. Identifying the patterns helped me to search for a solution at work. In the other, I just cope and get through it.
7. Volunteer
For one year, I was a poor grad student with two young daughters. We went without, or so we thought. I volunteered in an inner-city after-school program for the Salvation Army and learned differently. I helped those kids, teaching them to shake hands and look people in the eye when they talked. They taught me that education was important and my student status was an investment in the future. It was life-changing thinking for me.
8. Swim with a buddy
I am so fortunate. I have several avenues of support. I've already talked about my husband so I'll highlight my older daughter in this blog. Katy is amazing! She is a busy college student but still takes time to support what I am doing. She may be my only reader. Getting her feedback on what I write really keeps me focused and going. She is a great sounding board in all things and I am lucky to have that kind of relationship. When you are breaking a habit, find that helper and share the details. Research shows that it triples your chance of success. Ditch the critical friends and hang out with people who make you feel good.
9. Keep a gratitude journal
This one has been said by women much more famous than I. It's worth repeating. Focusing on what you have forces you to look for the variety of blessings in your life and serves as a record of reminder when you're feeling less than perfect.
10. Lower your expectations
Let me tell you abot Friday night in my house. I look good.On purpose. There's something wonderful about starting the weekend and I make an effort like on no other day. As I am beautifying, I am imagining flowers and candles and romantic dinners. Most often I get that, sometimes I don't. Franz reminds me that I had plans in my head. How could he know? I have gotten better on this one. In a few years, I might even pass for a happy to have what I have Dane.
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- Your health: Instead of doing crunches
- Your Career: Instead of procrastinating
- Your family: Instead of raising a brat
- Your mind: Instead of wanting what you don't have
- Your retirement: Instead of working until you're 100
- Your career: Instead of working for the paycheck
- Your health: Instead of getting old
- Your health: Instead of eating junk food
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Friday, September 17, 2010
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